There are life experiences that we go through in order for us to be able to relate to others. Sometimes things that we wouldn’t choose for ourselves of course, but the best thing about those unwanted and seemingly unnecessary things, is that they do happen for a reason. Sometimes it is as drastic as walking someone off the ledge; literally or figuratively.
Depression is a real thing, and I don’t want to ever come off as insensitive to any person’s mental health or life dealings. The truth I have discovered about depression though, it that it is from the enemy. God doesn’t take us down that road of darkness, He pulls us out.
I went through a 3-month deep depression that I didn’t even realize was happening until I was already coming out of it. I was lying in bed one night and I felt lifeless, JUST existing. I laid there not thinking or feeling anything. There was a very evident spiritual battle going on for my soul… NEVER HAPPENED TO BE BEFORE SO IT WAS DEFINITELY SOMETHING SURREAL FOR ME. I lay there with the knowledge that my soul was being fought for. God wanted to save my soul while the enemy wanted to pull my soul to the darkness and remain in this depression. Although I had no idea what to do, feel or think, one truth I did know was the Word. I knew that even if my physical being couldn’t understand what those words meant in the Bible, I knew that my soul needed them. So I read and read. I couldn’t pray. I had no conscience of “I should pray in His name.” I’m telling you, I was literally just a blob of flesh just existing in that spiritual battle for the time frame (which I couldn’t tell you how long it lasted… minutes, maybe hours?). I don’t recall how I came out of it, however, I was physically exhausted from it all.
What brought on the depression you might wonder; a very toxic and messed up relationship with someone who didn’t know my worth or their own. At almost 30 years of age, I have definitely had a handful of life experiences that I learned big lessons from. So I figured, I would give you a glimpse of my experience with this 3-month depression and how I deal with it to this day.
(Also, I must say, I am no expert on depression or mental health. I am simply giving you my experience with it all and how I deal with it.)
1. Words & expectations can make or break a person
I always thought that the saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” was true, until I went through this relationship. I was expected to be someone that I naturally wasn’t. I was told that I wouldn’t last or be with anyone better, and I started to believe that I didn’t deserve better in any way, shape or form. I was called weak and I was demeaned as someone who wasn’t mentally strong. The more and more that someone makes you feel as though you aren’t worth anything, you start believing it. I did believe it, and that’s how I fell into this depression. I allowed a man to tell me my worth as opposed to holding onto the truth of who God says I am.
2. God is for me (and you)
Within that relationship (and other ones as well), I wasn’t able to do things by my own strength. There were MULTIPLE times where I literally prayed, “God I can’t end this relationship, but if you want this not to continue, please end it.” And shortly after, the relationship would end with the dude I was with, saying it wasn’t going to work out or seeing him with someone else. If that ain’t God, I don’t know what is. He has always held me. Especially during this specific spiritual battle, I knew that He was fighting for me. The Creator of it all was fighting for ME, a measly, flawed little human being. AMAZING!
3. The hard days are only temporary
I feel like when one thing goes bad in our life, we automatically hold hands with the idea that life will remain bad. We allow that idea to snowball and grow when we allow that one day to turn into a lifetime of depression. Depression is a place where we can allow our hearts, minds and ultimately our souls to settle and stay, but we have the choice to say, “No! I won’t allow the enemy to use this bad day and negativity to shape the rest of my days here.” We can have our future days, months and years back by taking them away from the enemy and handing them over to God. He can restore and reshape our future thought process so that we aren’t in bondage to the old way of just laying down and giving up on everything that He has planned.
4. There will always be hard days
I’m not saying that I don’t still deal with bouts of depression. I do. Some times are harder than others, but dealing with those times with a stronger mindset each time helps me prep for the next one. God never intended for me or you to live a life of hurt, pain, constant replays of the past, and dark days. He came so we might have life more abundantly and to live it to the fullest. These days, there are a lot of people who deal with depression ALL OF THE TIME, and I would never want to discredit anyone’s feelings or mental condition. I know what it’s like to deal with depression. It’s hard. It seems never-ending, but it can be controlled by God Himself. Whether you believe in God or not, when you are at a very low point in your life, you start grasping for anything. Stick to the truth so that you can crawl out of that darkness by your Creator’s hand.
5. Dealing with the darkness
The only thing that I have truly seen that helps me feel alive during these times now, is sitting and listening to music about God’s love and truth. Knowing my worth, who’s I am, my purpose, that I am loved, definitely helps me pull through those rough days. Lauren Daigle’s music is on my top “listen to when having a low day” list. I Am Yours, Now is Forever, Still Rolling Stones, Oh Lord, Rescue are all songs that I just recently listened to while dealing with a hard bout. All of these songs stand as reminders that I have a purpose, I’m not forgotten, there is hope for my future, He is STILL working and fighting on my behalf. Just hearing these words through music brings revival to my soul even if it’s for just a day. It’s mind-blowing and the best medicine for me. “Surrender the right to keep control” Now is Forever, “The darkness should have known, You’re still rolling stones” Still Rolling Stones. These are only two parts of these two songs. I probably listened to these songs at least 40 times, and these stuck out to me in my last low day. Again, music does help heal the soul.
You Aren’t Alone
So if you are anything like me and dealt with a dark, prolonged depression and still deal with bouts of depression, LET’S CONNECT. I know that during those low points in life, the feeling of loneliness is so resounding! Well, I’m here to tell you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE, and even if I am that one person you talk to so that you can feel like you matter, I AM HERE! I know that not everyone believes in God, but I know that He is real and He loves you. So on behalf of each and everyone who comes across this specific blog post, I am praying for you. May you be reminded of the love that is so freely waiting to be given to you, to remind you that you are not alone, and you were not to deal with what you are dealing with alone. You matter, there’s a purpose for your life, and you are seen by our Creator.