For those who don’t know, I live in Arizona. I grew up in California around all of my family and friends. Those people are my comfort zone…no question.
Since moving to Arizona with my husband and fur babies, I’ve been trying to come up with a plan to get us back to California.
It’s not that I don’t like Arizona.
The starry nights, our own space and privacy are great, but there’s one thing missing…
Now, God knows, I’ve prayed to Him in so many ways, and I’ve tried to convince Him on so many occasions why it would be a good idea for us to move back.
We should go back because we’d be able to spend time with our family.
It’d be better for my mental health.
We’d be able to watch our nephews grow up.
We’d be close to our family, and we’d waste no time away from them.
I’d have discussions with my husband that turned into blowout arguments, which eventually caused tension in our marriage over that topic.
So eventually I started breaking down and allowing the enemy to cause me to resent the whole move, my husband, and even God at times.
GOD SHOWED ME I WASN’T CONTENT
Then there was a day in May 2020 when God showed up and checked me.
I hesitantly read the Bible that day. I prayed that God would speak though. HE DID.
This is the story of Balaam and Balaak.
I added this animated video that I found on YouTube to explain it in depth.
The Lord spoke to me during the part where Balaam asked God if he could do what King Balak was asking of him (curse Israel) because he’d get paid really well for it.
But because God had a covenant with the Israelites, God told Balaam no.
Finally God told Balaam to go, but he was only to say what God gave him to say.
In the midst of those conversations though, in
Numbers 22:22 it says, “But God was very angry when he went, and the angel of the Lord stood in the road to oppose him. Balaam was riding on his donkey, and his two servants were with him.”
Now, do you know how confused I was when it said that God was angry with Balaam after He had just told him to go???
I was VERY confused. So I dug deeper. I found this commentary from Chuck Smith.
The portion below really helped me understand why God was mad, but also put me in check!
Mind you, this is Chuck Smith from Calvary Chapel if you aren’t aware of his impact on believers during the Jesus Movement. Very credited and Spirit-led man.
I re-read the entire story and saw what God wanted me to see…
I WAS BALAAM.
I kept asking and asking God to take me out of Arizona because I wanted WHAT I WANTED.
I disregarded the plan that God had for me and my husband out here, and only focused on the comfort zone and companionship of family and friends.
HUMBLED TO CONTENTMENT
At that point, I was humbled.
Spiritually on my face before God in submission and reverence.
That’s when I knew that contentment was being worked into me without me even realizing it.
God reminded me that even though I don’t see and don’t understand why we have to be away from our family, I can still trust Him to be my EVERYTHING…
RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.
In the midst of the literal and symbolic desert.
In the midst of bouts of loneliness.
In the midst of the growing pains.
In the midst of the unknown and uncertainty.
He has me RIGHT HERE, and I needed to be content and at peace with His plan.
I became grateful, humbled and at peace.
It was an immediate attitude adjustment that only HE could have given me.
Since that day in May, I’ve finally started decorating a little bit of our house (after almost 2 years of living here), taking pride in where God has brought my husband and I, and took it seriously that He wants to show me something RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.
1. God should be my only “comfort zone”. Family is a blessing and gift from God, but shouldn’t be my confidence and comfort 100%. I can still love them from afar and see them when the Lord permits.
2. He’s growing me in the desert and wilderness. He brought us out here in order for us to learn to hear His voice and rely SOLELY on Him. I’m thirsty for Him and He’s giving me water to flourish in the literal desert.
3. I’ve learned through this season and time that He wants my husband and me to become united as one for His kingdom. I’ve learned so much about being a wife and learning submission to the Lord and ultimately to my husband. He’s correcting and changing things in me that need to be fixed in me in order for me to serve my husband well.
4. Prayer is powerful. This podcast from Proverbs 31 Ministries is ridiculously amazing! I can pray to God, and in the present moments, things can change. But that never changes the characteristics of God being sovereign or perfect. Listen to the podcast here. It explains prayer in a way that’ll blow your mind. Also, you can read this post on How Prayer Changes Things.
5. His timing and plans are perfect. His ways are not my ways! He knows the desires of my heart and being the Father that He is, wants me to have those desires. But He’s got a plan, and I’m only to obey what He has for me RIGHT NOW, TODAY. I can trust Him WHOLEHEARTEDLY with His plan and timing regardless of how my flesh may yearn and desire.
Wanting to be with my family and friends out in California isn’t a bad thing.
But when I allow that to become my driving force to be happy, that shows that God is no longer my God… but my comfort zone with my fam and friends is.
If I try to make things happen in my own strength and timing, it won’t work out in the long run.
Patience is being taught during this season of isolation in the desert.
My dependency and reliance on God has grown leaps and bounds just in the past few months.
He’ll lead by day and by night and He’ll let me know when to move and when to stay put.
Until then, we won’t move until our marching orders are given by Him.
Psalm 23:2-4 “he leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
It’s gonna be hard, but how much more will He CLEARLY show His power, if we actually live and walk by faith and not sight?
Be content and soak up all He has to teach and offer in this time
RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.